Dear Mommy Friend, Month after month, I see your milestone updates. I see your photos and development charts: lists of all of the exciting new things that your baby is doing. I’m watching your baby grow, and wishing mine was still here to do the same things. You’ve probably noticed that some months, I put… Continue reading Your Baby Got to Stay
My living son is two years old. It’s a little difficult to know how much he understands about death. Though he’s never met him, he’s talked to Lincoln’s picture since he was a tiny baby. Losing Liam was a bit different, but I’m not sure exactly what he’s thinking. I’m always trying to figure out… Continue reading Dear Big Brother
On December 24th of last year, my husband and I got in my mom’s truck so she could take us home from the hospital. The drive was short, but felt incredibly long. I remember staring down at my arms. Empty. They felt heavy. Like dead weight with no purpose…. “There is, I am convinced, no… Continue reading Empty Arms
It can happen anywhere, at any unexpected time. There are a number of things that can alter my mood, bringing me to a sad, dark place; but the biggest is the sound of a newborn cry. It was a perfectly pleasant day. I was out with my husband. Sunday is our Together Day. We… Continue reading The Trigger
The first day of September brought me heaviness. I could feel is coming: Autumn. It brings the change of weather. It brings me one season closer to the holidays, and to one year since losing a piece of myself. In previous years, September would already mean humming Christmas carols as I bake pumpkin bread; just… Continue reading It Feels Like Fall
If you could change one thing about your grief, what would it be? Last month I attended my first grief support group. I was incredibly nervous. It wasn’t specific to baby loss and I wasn’t sure if I’d feel comfortable airing out my feelings. I was in tears before even walking inside. That day,… Continue reading What I Would Change
It’s something I didn’t think of. I wasn’t expecting it. The first time it happened, it knocked the wind out of me and left me curled up on the couch in tears. Like so many moms, when I found out that I was pregnant, I signed up for weekly emails about the growth of… Continue reading I’ve Been Banned from Checking the Mail
How much should I share with strangers? How honest should I be? Should I spare them the awkward moment and spare myself the looks of pity? I’m faced with this decision on a regular basis. Teaching preschool requires some professional development. It has never been my favorite way to spend a Saturday morning,… Continue reading The Ever-Awkward Icebreakers
I was still at the hospital when they asked me… “will you choose cremation?” The question left a ringing in my ears. I felt panic rising in my chest. My tears instantly spilled over. My baby’s perfect little body was to be reduced to ashes….. It was the morning of Christmas Eve when I was… Continue reading Bringing Home Baby
It had only been 3 weeks. I made a last minute appointment to get my c-section incision checked out. It was most definitely infected. For other appointments, my doctor made sure I got in and out quickly: minimizing the amount of time spent surrounded by pregnant women in the waiting room. My social interactions had… Continue reading “You’re so Lucky”
Missing Link & Liam 